Thursday, 5 February 2009
The Dating Guide for men
How to let her down gently.
There are times when you will have the need to either break up with a girl, tell her to slow down, or just plainly say no if she asks you out. You should always try and do this in a nice way, you will benefit from it. First of all she won’t make a big scene, cry, call you 24/7 and tell you what an asshole you are, and you don't have to deal with her telling all of her friends what a jerk you are. If you do this the right way, you might even get the chance to go out with one of her friends. Yeah I can almost hear your scepticism, but I'm telling you, it is possible. Just read on to find out how.
If you have been going out with a girl for a couple of weeks and you want to get out (sometimes getting out isn't the best thing to do, but more about this later), there are some ground rules you will have to follow.
1. Be nice about it.
2. Listen to her when she talks, but don't make her think that she can sway your decision.
3. Don't make her think you might want to get together later unless it's the truth.
4. Try to not hurt her feelings and keep your calm.
5. If she gets mad, don't start anything, just keep talking to her in a nice way.
6. If she goes crazy and starts throwing things, then it's time you get up and leave.
7. Always tell her she is an amazing girl, and it's not her fault.
Ok, so being nice about it. It's pretty obvious, don’t list all her flaws and don't blame everything on her. Take responsibility, even if you don't feel like it. When she talks, be patient and make her feel like you are listening, but tell her that your mind is made up, and it's best for both of you that you don't keep seeing each other. Never give her false hope. If you do, she might not be able to move on, she might keep calling you and asking for second chances etc. And if you start seeing someone new without telling her she will give you hell. So always tell them it's over and it's not going to change. Don't be mean and dig up any old arguments. That's just asking for trouble. If she spins out of control, don't get mad but just tell her you don't want to fight, and you tell her to give you a call when she is calm enough to finish it. Remember to tell her that she is an amazing girl, and that you really like her, and it's not because of her that you want out. If you want some excuses, here are some good ones.
- Tell her you're not ready to be in a committed relationship and you think things are moving to fast. It scares you and you want to slow down and take a break because you have made the mistake of moving to fast before and you don’t want to repeat that.
- Say you need to concentrate on work/studies and you don't really have time to have a girlfriend. Say it wouldn't be fair to her to keep it up when you would only be able to see her maybe two hours a week.
- You can tell her you feel like she is ready to settle down, but you aren't. And that maybe you're not the right guy for her, and maybe she should try and look elsewhere. Maybe she wants an open relationship for a little while to explore her possibilities. You promise your best not to be jealous since you know this is something she needs.
If you are in a different kind of situation and you need advice, feel free to leave a comment with your email and i will get back to you:)
Now about turning things around and maybe date one of her friends.. Have a long talk with her, tell her how you feel that you don't click on that deep level. Tell her you respect her and you are attracted to her sexually, but you don't see this working in the long run and you both deserve more than that. Tell her you don't want to loose her, because you really care about her, and you want to stay friends. If this goes well, call her the next day and talk to her for a bit. Do this three times, then mention that you have a friend who is perfect for her, and since you want her to be happy, and you hope she wants the same for her, why don't you set her up? Maybe you can make it a double date, she can bring a friend, but only if she feels like it. This works on about 60% of the girls if you do it right, so you have a fair shot at it. Good luck;)
More breaking up advice later if anyone need it.
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